The closing ceremony of the 2010 Coalition government has been held at the Olympic Park in London, after a dazzling display of choreographed reshuffling by 25 volunteers last week.
Creative director David Cameron was widely hailed for his muddled vision and well-worn routines. ‘The thing I’ve loved about this government is that it’s showcased the abilities of British ministers, not their disabilities, which clearly include incompetence, venality and hypocrisy,’ he said.
The ceremony, which began on Thursday and is expected to rumble on for another 18 months, saw a small number of volunteer dancers shuffling out of Downing Street while a small number shuffled back in, including a man afraid of flying, a number of sufferers from advanced economic dysnumeracy, and at least 8 people who have achieved a political career despite being born without a heart.
Eighty million uninterested people sat through the ceremony, which culminated in a musical extravaganza at London’s Olympic Stadium last night. Axed Welsh Secretary Cheryl Gillan breathed fire, while new Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin’s prepared to perform some stunning u-turns over airport expansion. New minister without portfolio, Rihanna, gave a short speech on macroeconomic policy, and then the Coalition flag began to be lowered in preparation for being handed to its next host, Ed Miliband, in 2015.
Lead choreographer Nick Clegg, who tried to hand the flag to Mr Miliband but was rebuffed in favour of his more able foxtrot partner Vince Cable, said that the ministers’ various disabilities were ‘no barrier’ to a first-rate performance. ‘Just look at me,’ he said. ‘I discovered in 2010 that I had no backbone and yet I can dance to anybody’s tune, as I’m clearly demonstrating on a daily basis.’