In a surprise post-Brexit move Ministers from the Department of Culture, Media and Sport have lobbied the Olympic Committee to introduce fly-tipping into the Olympic Games from 2030.
A spokesman explained that in years past the British would go on holiday to foreign parts and be astounded by the amount of litter in the streets. It was just anathema to Britons. Now in post Brexit Britain, free from regulatory constraint, we have become just as good at it, if not better, than our European counterparts.
Dave Weldon, from Essex, who admits to being a secret fly-tipper, welcomed the move. He insists that it is high time that fly-tipping should be recognised for the skill it involves.
There are various categories being suggested, the one man competition, the two man transit van and the four man. Weldon explained that he competes in the two man transit level, I’m the driver and might partner Andrei, operates at the back of the van. “I pull the van up, open the back doors and Andrei tips out the contents, while I’m getting ready to deive off. It’s a well oiled partnership.”
Fly-tipping is the perfect sport for a working man, Weldon explains. He works full time during the day and so has all evening and weekends to perfect his sport. His employment as a bin lorry driver allows him to scout out suitable customers for his night time moonlighting activities.
“I see it as a service to the community,” he explained. “You should see the relief in the eyes of the neighbours when I clear the gardens. All I’m doing is clearing up the neighbourhood.”
Supporters of the move claim that is a sign of the anti-regulatory stance the UK is taking post brexit. People are less likely under these circumstances to want to use a state sponsored means of disposing of their household waste, just because the state insists on it.
When confronted about why fly-tippers should be considered to be sportsmen, when the Local Authority are prepared to remove rubbish for free, Weldon became heated.
“That’s typical middle class snobbery and anti- white working class racism. Nobody asks Mo Farrar why he runs, when he could easily catch a bus.”